Dear Readers, whenever we’re in Toronto we make a point of visiting our favourite Canadian independent bookstore, Ben McNally. In the twenty-five years that I’ve been visiting the country, it’s been located at three different addresses, and is currently at 108 Queen Street East.

It isn’t the largest bookshop in Toronto (that would have to be one of the many Indigo branches) but it gives meaning to that over-worked word, curated. I never go into this shop without buying something – biography, nature-writing, history, politics, are all well-represented, and I find the selection irresistible. Just as well as our Latitude flexible economy flight with Air Canada lets us take an extra hold bag for free.

This time I’m particularly looking forward to nature-writer Jennifer Ackerman’s ‘What an Owl Knows’ (not surprisingly, about owls) and Orlando Reade’s “What in me is Dark”, about the long afterlife of Milton’s Paradise Lost. Incidentally, I met Reade’s mother-in-law in Waterstones in Islington, such is the nature of bookshops. And I also have ‘Three Wild Dogs’ by Markus Zusak, who you might remember as the author of ‘The Book Thief’, a huge hit a few years ago. This book is a kind of ‘memoir in dogs’, so it will be interesting to see how that works.

What I’m currently reading though, before I get onto my new pile, is Sarah Moss’s ‘My Good Bright Wolf’, another memoir but this one about the author’s eating disorder. She explores not only the origins of her own anorexia, but also the depiction of food and young women in the books that she read as a child, from ‘Little Women’ to ‘Little House on the Prairie’. It’s an absorbing read, about how children are shaped, and about whose truth gets to prevail. Highly recommended.

So, what are you reading at the moment – any recommendations to add to my tottering pile?

Dear Readers, there are one or two things that caused me some confusion when I first came to Canada – ‘toque’ for hat, the delights of poutine (chips, cheese and gravy) and ‘catter-corner’ (or indeed kittie- corner’ meaning the corner diagonally opposite at a crossroads.

But above, along with the ‘buy Canadian’ message, you see another source of confusion – in Canada, every sofa, antique or modern, tatty or leather with studs, is a Chesterfield, hence The Chesterfield Company.  Or was, because my younger friends tell me that the usage is changing, and soon every sofa will simply be a sofa. Which strikes me as something of a shame. I love the idiosyncracies of local language.

And then there’s ‘elbows up’ which comes from that most gentlemanly of games (ahem), ice hockey, in particular player Gordie Howe, who was famous/notorious for his use of his elbows in defensive situations. Apparently use of the elbows incurs a 2 minute penalty so it also implies a willingness to fight dirty if necessary. Don’t mess with the Canadians is all I can say.

The fixed fountain at Mount Pleasant Cemetery, Toronto

Dear Readers, when we come to Toronto we always like to ‘visit’ John’s Dad, who died in 2012 and who is buried in Mount Pleasant Cemetery. His ashes are interred very close to this fountain, and I think this is the first time we’ve visited when it’s been working (though obviously it doesn’t work in the winter when the temperatures are below freezing). As John’s Dad was an engineer, he’d be very happy to see that things are finally functioning correctly.

To back track a little, on the way to the cemetery I noticed this little fluffball

Adorable! Lots of sparrows have made their homes in the narrow gap between the awning and the wall on this new-ish development. Why Toronto has such a love for Olde Worlde language I don’t know, but I’ve never come across so many Shoppes. This is my first Towne however.

Anyhow, back to the Cemetery. I rather love this place – it’s an oasis of green after the relentless concrete of downtown.

I am trying to get better at identifying Canadian bird calls. On this visit I picked up the calls of an American Robin and a Chipping Sparrow. American Robins are actually thrushes, and i think you can hear the blackbird in the recording below…

American Robin (Turdus migratorius)

The Chipping Sparrow (Spizella passerina) is a New World Sparrow – although it looks like ‘our’ sparrows, it’s actually more closely related to ‘our’ buntings. Its call does sound a bit like someone hammering very very quickly with a teeny tiny hammer. Or possibly an old-fashioned sewing machine? See what you think. Once heard, it’s difficult to forget. 

Chipping Sparrow (Spizella passerina) Photo by By Mdf, Edited by Fir0002 – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3189699

There are also some amazing trees in the cemetery, and along the Kay Gardiner Beltline that borders it. The one below is a Dawn Redwood – I’d never noticed one without its leaves before, and the shape is extraordinary.

Dawn Redwood (Metasequoia glyptostroboides)

And how about this fantastic Red Oak (Quercus rubra) – these old trees have such personality. I almost expected this one to pick up its roots and walk.

Red Oak (Quercus rubra)

And finally, I loved this garden, planted along the Kay Gardiner Beltline as a Monarch butterfly way-station. At this time of year it’s full of bulbs, but in summer it’s been planted with milkweed, the butterfly’s most important foodplant.

So, this was a lovely walk on what looks like one of the sunnier days of the holiday – the weather definitely looks as if it’s taking a turn for the worse next week. Fingers crossed that the forecast is wrong!

Woods Restaurant on Colborne St, Toronto

Dear Readers, on Thursday we visited a restaurant that we’d never been to before – Woods on Colborne Street. We were intrigued because it specialises in Canadian produce, and of course buying Canadian feels important at the moment, what with the tariffs and all. I’d asked for a quiet table, and so we were in the corner with a great view of everyone else, plus a ‘tree’ covered in ‘blossom’. The decor was an intriguing mix of kitsch and industrial, with a touch of pure eccentricity.

Bug Woman plus fibre-glass antelope heads.

It’s the only place I’ve ever been where they have a knife menu..

…and pre-dessert there’s a maple syrup tasting. It’s surprising what a difference there is in flavour between the first ‘tapping’ of the syrup, which is pale yellow and delicate, to the last tapping, which is almost molasses-rich.

Maple syrup tasting at Woods

The restaurant has lots of little private spaces, and the longer you sit there, the more you see. And the food was great – heirloom beetroot for me as a starter, doughnuts for dessert. Service was great and unlike many Toronto restaurants we could actually hear ourselves speak, though that might not be the case when it’s busier at the weekend. Still, all things considered this was something of a find, and it’s great to go somewhere with real personality, that can still deliver the goods when it comes to feeding people. 

Facade of the Hudson’s Bay Company (Photo by By Nic Zaraza –  CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=102470275)

Dear Readers, the hotel that we’ve stayed in for the past twenty years (Cambridge Suites) is right opposite ‘The Bay’ – the quintessential Canadian department store. But last week we heard that the company has finally gone bust. As the company is descended from the original Hudson’s Bay Company, which was founded in 1670, this was the oldest company in North America, and one of the oldest continually operating companies in the world.

For a while, it looked as if ‘our’ branch, at Yonge and Adelaide, would be one of the six branches allowed to survive, but the company has been run into the ground by a series of idiotic financial decisions, followed by the pandemic dealing it a final blow. There is nothing like the footfall in central Toronto that there was pre-pandemic, and so much business has now moved online that paying a trip to ‘The Bay’ to buy clothes or cutlery or even a stripy blanket became a thing of the past. It was really sad to see the empty shelves when we walked through earlier this week, and the whole place is due to be shuttered by mid-June. As our preferred route on the underground PATH goes right through the store we are particularly miffed.

I can’t help wondering what will happen to all of the staff who worked at The Bay, some of them for many years. And because of the need to pay creditors, many of the historical artifacts from the original Hudson’s Bay Company will be sold to private collectors, because museums can’t afford to pay as much. This includes the original Charter from 1670.

Hudson’s Bay Point Blanket (Photo By Danielle Scott – Canadian WarmthUploaded by Skeezix1000, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=15703058)

And so, as we’ve seen, nothing lasts forever (though 355 years was a pretty good run). I fear that the area where we usually stay will become something of a desert, with people rushing through to the subway but not lingering to browse or eat or spend the time of day. Ah well. Let’s see how things turn out.

The swimming pool at the Beaches

Dear Readers, every year when we visit Toronto we go for a walk along the boardwalk at The Beach(es), so-called because of all the confusion and arguments about whether it’s one beach or several. It’s an amazing resource for the City, and in particular for its dogs – today I made friends with a Great Dane about the size of a small pony, who was apparently ‘very excited because he’s just eaten a muffin’, and with an elderly Newfoundland. First up, though, I had to check out the nest sites under the outdoor swimming pool. Clearly the sparrows were still nesting in their usual spot in one of the light fittings…

But what’s going on here?

And who is this noisy little creature?

It’s a Barn Swallow (Hirundino rustica), the same species as we have here in the Uk. What a joy to see its parent swoop in, deposit a mouthful of mosquitoes and fly off again! This bird is of conservation concern in Canada, and so it was lovely to see so many nests, at least three of them already occupied.

I was a little concerned in case there weren’t enough insects about, but on my trip to Montreal yesterday I’d noticed that there were lots of midges and mosquitoes flitting around outside the plane, and there were certainly lots at The Beach(es) as well (though they got blown away by a brisk gust about halfway through the video below)

Now, to back up just a little – you may remember that last year I noted that there was considerable opposition to the demolition of a rather beautiful old house in order to put up yet more condominiums. There hasn’t been any progress that I can see this year, but with the global economy in a state of high nervousness over the Orange Mussolini’s tariffs, it could all take some time. Meantime, the building behind the hoarding continues to deteriorate.

I’ve always been fascinated by this magnificent tree – it seems very happy in spite of being plonked in the middle of a sandy beach. It’s likely to be some kind of willow, but I’m never here in high summer to give a proper identification.

And it wasn’t the end of my bird-related excitement either. While trying to get a photograph of a red-winged blackbird (and failing), I got a photo of this woodpecker instead.I’m thinking it could be a Hairy Woodpecker but no doubt my North American friends will put me straight if it’s not! What a treat, whatever it is, and how lucky Canada is to have so many woodpeckers – not only ‘hairy’ ones but ‘downy’ ones and ‘pileated’ ones not to mention a whole bunch of sapsuckers.

There were lots of dogwalkers, but I noted a) how engaged they were with their dogs, and b) how well-behaved the dogs were, so that was a nice change. I also noticed this ‘dog’, until I realised it was a log….

The daffodils are still out here, although they’ve pretty much gone over in the UK. The temperature this week has been crazy – yesterday it was in the mid 70s, but last night there was a frost warning. Toronto in spring is a very hard place to pack for.

And finally, what’s going on with this house? For a moment I thought that it was covered in martin nests, then I wondered if the owners had constructed a climbing wall. It’s an extremely unusual finish, with big blocks of rock sticking out of the brickwork. I’d love to know what’s going on!

So, that was a splendid walk along The Beaches, culminating in coffee in the Remarkable Bean (blueberry scone highly recommended) and a quick browse in Book City. Then it was a quick hop onto the 501 streetcar, and home. After yesterday, it was good to get some fresh air and to be out in nature. Plants, birds, coffee and books will heal most things.

Leaving Toronto from Billy Bishop Airport

Dear Readers, you might remember that one of the reasons for our visit to Canada was to see John’s aunt, who is 95 and lives in Montreal. She has been gradually accumulating health problems – last year she fell and broke both ankles, she’s had pneumonia three times this year, and she’s been in and out of hospital on numerous occasions. So I suppose it shouldn’t have been a shock to hear that she was in hospital following a massive heart attack, and that she wasn’t expected to live. There was a flurry of rearrangements, and this morning we flew out of Toronto’s Island Airport at 7.25 in the morning to get to the Jewish General Hospital in Montreal, and to say our goodbyes.

It was only right and fitting that Aunt G’s last days should be spent in the Jewish Hospital – she was a nurse here and, after studying at McGill, she returned as a nurse trainer/lecturer. She was a woman who would allow no dubious statement to go unchallenged, and yet she was the first person to welcome me to my new family when I met my husband, and could be kind and generous and funny too.

We got to the hospital to find her pretty much out for the count. All of her energies are spent getting oxygen into her frail little body. To be honest, when we walked into the room we didn’t recognise her at first. There’s something about impending death that sharpens the angles of the face, and gives the features a waxy patina. But her nurse was attentive and sensitive to her changing needs, and sitting next to the bed was a strangely serene experience.

I’ve said before that there is labour in producing a new life, and hard work also in the leaving of it. Dying feels like an uphill path, across stony and unpredictable ground. Although it is the most universal of experiences, it still feels unique to each person, a path that they need to tread alone. And yet, I can’t help but believe that, even though we are helpless in the face of death, there is value in being a witness, in paying attention to the subtle changes in breath that mark the signposts in the journey. We can watch, and talk to the loved one, and tell them what they meant to us. We can hold their hand, or smooth their hair, and encourage them to let go. We can tell them that we’ll be alright. They say that hearing is the last thing to go, but even if we aren’t heard, I believe that the love that surrounds the dying person can only, surely, be a blessing, to them and to us.

When we left, Aunt G was still breathing, still alive, but I have little doubt in my own mind that she’s past through a door that has shut behind her. She will walk on down the corridor alone, but please may there be light at the end of it, whatever it represents. She had a good life, well-lived, and maybe that’s the most that any of us can hope for.

Update: Aunt G passed away peacefully at 19.30 p.m. this evening, 

Dear Readers, by the time you read this, the fate of Canada for the next four years should be becoming clear. Mark Carney, known to us Brits as the ex Governor of the Bank of England, is going head-to-head with Pierre Poilievre. In what seemed like a sure fire win for Poilievre’s Progressive Conservatives only a few months ago, Carney’s Liberals are now expected to win. What happened? Donald Trump happened, with his referring to Canada as America’s ’51st State’ and his general disrespect for the country. Then there’s the little matter of the tariffs. Trump has boasted that he can bring Canada to the negotiating table through reducing the country to economic ruin, though he hasn’t completely ruled out using military force if necessary.

Much of this is most likely bluster, but Trump has succeeded in doing what Justin Trudeau, and the leaders before him, couldn’t. Even in Quebec, with its long history of separatism, the number of people who feel ‘proud to be Canadian’ rose from 45 per cent to 58 percent following Trump’s intervention. You can feel the difference as you walk around in Toronto – shops display signs indicating which of their products are ‘Canadian made’, Indigo bookshop has beefed up its section on Canadian authors, and there are maple-leaf flags everywhere.

What will this mean for the election? The Conservatives have been wrong-footed by Carney’s arrival. They were hoping to go into battle against the deeply-unpopular Justin Trudeau, but instead they’ve got a money man, who many people feel would be the best placed to face off against Trump over the economy. Poilievre himself is something of a conundrum – a supporter of abortion rights and public healthcare, but looking to reduce immigration and make it harder for people to claim asylum in Canada. Commentators seem to see him as someone who is not nimble politically – one journalist observed that, following the terrible events in Vancouver a few days ago, when someone drove their car into people celebrating a Filipino festival, killing 11 people, Poilievre’s speech in Vancouver didn’t mention the event at all.

Whatever the outcome, there is no doubt that there are a lot of internal problems in Canada that need addressing: housing, homelessness, mental health, healthcare, to name but a few. But it seems as if Canada’s big, brash, increasingly ugly adversary across the border will suck up all the political air in. the medium term. We continue, unfortunately, to live in interesting times.

The Dog Fountain at Berczy Park

Dear Readers, well, here we are, back in Toronto. My husband’s Mum’s 97th birthday is happening next weekend, another Auntie is in hospital in Montreal, and all in all it felt like time for a visit. So, to fend off the jet lag we went for a walk around Toronto on the most beautiful spring day.

First up was the Dog Fountain in Berczy Park. I’ve written about it before, but I still love it, especially as everyone brings their real-life dogs here for a walk, and it’s fun to watch the real and pretend dogs interacting. I’ve never seen the fountain in action, and some of the dogs are looking a bit careworn, but it’s still a delight. All the dogs are ‘worshipping’ a golden bone at the top of the fountain.

Regular readers might remember that the fountain features one cat, who has a beady eye on two birds perched on a nearby lamppost.

So then we headed down in the direction of the St Lawrence Food Market – more cheese and peameal bacon than you can shake a stick at here, but en route you can really admire the Vertical City that Toronto has become.

Crossing past St James Anglican Cathedral, I was intrigued to see these…

There are two of these Tiny Tiny Homes parked in the church grounds – on my walk I must have passed half a dozen people sleeping on the pavement, or on the ducts from the underground system that provides a little bit of warmth. The shelter system in Toronto is completely overwhelmed, and I’ve seen a big increase in homeless people and in people with obvious mental health problems in the past few years. As in the UK, all these people were homed during Covid, only to be thrown out onto the streets again when the pandemic eased. These tiny homes provide at least some shelter and dignity for the homeless. You can see tented ‘cities’ all over Toronto too. As in London, it’s an indication of the ever-increasing gap between those with everything, and those with nothing.

St James’s Cathedral

We were hoping to see inside the new St Lawrence Market, which was just a hole in the ground when we were last around here, but it doesn’t seem to be open yet. It has a distinctly playful, post-modern look, and I’m itching to see what it’s like inside. Apparently the Saturday Farmer’s Market is in the new building, so I shall have to go and check it out.

And then back to the Cambridge Suites Hotel, where we’re in the same room that we’ve been every visit for the past five years (home from home!) to share all this with you before heading out for brunch. Tomorrow we’ll be off to visit John’s Mum to see how she’s settled into her new nursing home, and then on Wednesday we’re off to Montreal to see the Auntie. But for now, I’m just enjoying the vistas that pop up down the most unexpected alleyways. Even if they are a bit lopsided.

Image from https://www.completepaincare.com/patient-education/conditions-treated/peripheral-neuropathy/

Well, Readers, as you might remember I had a nerve conduction study to try to identify why my feet were so numb a while back, but it was a very simple test that didn’t give me any detailed information. Hah! Scientist that I am, I wanted to know what was going on, and so I was able to get a more detailed test last week.

For those of you who’ve never had one, a nerve conduction test involves sending an electrical current along the nerves, to see how far it will travel. In a normal person, you would expect a reading of about 10. Mine was 2. Furthermore, the consultant (who I think gauged that any news didn’t need to be sugar coated) suggested that if I came back in two years, he would expect to find it difficult to pick up any current at all.

As you can imagine, this is not good news, though I am a firm believer that diagnosis isn’t destiny. And also, I’m not really sure what it means, in terms of mobility or the future. At the moment my hands are fine (they can also be affected by this particular kind of neuropathy). What is clear is that my feet are very numb and cold, with sometimes some tingling or burning thrown in for good measure, though fortunately they are not (yet) painful.

The consultant advised me to keep using my stick, which was a relief as part of me thought that I should be able to do without it. Enough of the ‘shoulds’ already! I actually rather love my fancy walking stick. Plus, it gives me just that little bit of extra confidence when I’m out and about. I am going to pilates regularly to work on balance/strength/all those good things. I have lost the weight that I put on when I was pretty much immobile with my broken leg and living on cake. I have some overseas adventures planned which I intend to soldier on with, including a return trip (hopefully not literally) to Austria, which will be a real test of how much I can do.

So I am, as my lovely Canadian friends say, copacetic. I shall be listening to my instincts about what to do and what not to do, and I shall be living every day to the fullest. I am heartened that my Mum, who also had neuropathy, was still wobbling about in her eighties. But I would love to hear your neuropathy experiences, good and bad, and if there’s anything you do that helps or hinders.