Dear Readers, by the time you read this I will have been on the first part of the  Living Well, Dying Well Foundation course – I consider myself very lucky to have been advised, mentored and supported by the people at the care home where Mum and Dad passed away, and I’ve had a strong feeling that I’d like to be able to do something similar for others who are dying, or whose loved ones are dying.

I always thought that, as a society,  we don’t talk enough about death – Mum was always up for a conversation about it, which was so useful when we came to her last days and had to decide what kind of care she would like, and what she wanted for her funeral. Dad was more of a ‘put your fingers in your ears and go la-la-la’ kind of person, and so when he was dying I had to decide what he would have wanted – clearly not an ideal situation, but somehow we muddled through, even though it was at the beginning of the Covid pandemic.

What my parents had done right was a) to have Powers of Attorney and wills in place, b) to have let me have access to all their financial details, so that I didn’t have to worry about where their bank accounts/insurance policies/savings accounts were, and c) to give me the phone numbers and email addresses for all their close friends and family. Such little things in one  way, but so important in others. I’m very aware that I’m not yet in the same situation – I do have a will, but the POAs that I’ve been trying to draft for my husband and I are somehow stalled at the solicitor (long story) so I need to summon up the energy to chase them up and finalise them.

But what seems so important  about the whole dying process is to know, in advance, what the  person involved values, what they need in order to allow them to pass peacefully, what their priorities are. I know that I would love some contact with nature, even if it’s just birdsong through a window, or the sight of a tree waving in the breeze. But for everyone it will be different, and I think our imagination sometimes fails when we’re under extreme  stress. How much better it is to think about it, and to talk about it, before things become a crisis, while we’re calm and the end of our days seems a long way away.

Anyhow, I am hoping that after 5 days of training, I will be in a better position to think about dying, and to know if I want to go to formally become what’s called a Death Doula – someone who helps others during the dying process, whether with emotional support, advocacy, or practical things. And although I won’t be able to write about the experiences of others on the course (because naturally these things are confidential), I will keep you posted about my thoughts once the course is over and I’ve processed what I’ve experienced. It will be an interesting and challenging few days, for sure.