Dear Readers, one of the things about sitting on the bench in the garden is that I start to notice things, and yesterday it was the way that the collared doves are chasing one another around. You might think that breeding season is over, and so it is for most birds, but doves and pigeons can breed all year round, provided they have enough food themselves to make ‘crop milk’ for their nestlings.  I always thought that this protein and fat-rich secretion was limited to just the pigeon family, but apparently both flamingoes and male emperor penguins can also produce it. At any rate, love was definitely in the air yesterday – one male collared dove chased what I assume was a female from roof to roof, and then another male briefly joined in. The female flew away on every occasion – this might be an unconscious test of the male’s persistence and flying ability, it may be that the female isn’t ready to breed, or it may be a combination of both.

For those who haven’t heard it, the male collared dove’s ‘breeding call’ always reminds me of a tin trumpet.

The male was also ‘dancing’ around the female – it was difficult to see exactly what he was doing due to the angle of the roof, but it definitely involved bobbing up and down and inflating the throat, while making a very assertive three-note call. In the clip below, you can hear a duet, which happens between a bonded male and female, and also the sound of wingbeats – there’s a distinct whistling sound when collared doves fly.

Male collared doves also perform a display flight – I watched this male flying up, nearly vertically, before ‘gliding’ back down. What a shame the female wasn’t impressed!

Also, I’m just noticing the vertical habitat of mosses and lichens above the gutter on our flat roof. I’m very impressed.

In other bench-related news, I looked up at the leaves on our whitebeam, which are coming back after our November pollarding, and they look just like lace….

I have no idea who is eating them, but I shall send a photo off to the Royal Horticultural Society and see if anyone has any idea (chip in if you have any thoughts!) The leaves will be falling soon-ish (though the whitebeam is the last tree to shed its foliage) so I’m not worried for this year, and I’m sure the stress of the pollarding/drought/cold spring/hot summer won’t have helped, so fingers crossed that the tree is happier next year.

Dear Readers, you might remember that, a few years ago, I was a cat fosterer for first Cats’ Protection, and then the RSPCA – I did a post about it here. And then one of my fostered cats, Willow, turned into a permanent cat, and so that was that. She died last year, and I was heartbroken, but this year I’ve finally decided to start fostering again, for the RSPCA, and yesterday I heard that my first two foster cats will be arriving on Tuesday.

Above is a photo of what I think of as the Biscuit Kittens, as we are getting two boys, and their names are McVitie and Jaffa. I don’t know which out of the four they are, but will be sharing photos further down the line. The photo was taken in April, and the cats have been in the animal hospital at Finsbury Park ever since – between them they’ve had cat flu, diarrhoea, and mouth lesions (could be something called calici virus, but I’m not sure). Anyhow, they’ve had a rough start, poor little things, so some TLC and a home environment will probably be just the ticket.

I am imagining quiet chaos for the next few weeks – kittens are usually full of energy (though they also conk out as if a switch has been turned off). They are curious with no sense of danger at all, and a knack for getting into places where you don’t want them to get. All in all, we are about to be livened up and stressed.

I can’t wait. I’ll keep you all posted.

Dear Readers, I don’t know why it’s taken me 15 years, but I’ve finally gotten myself a bench for the garden, so I can sit and watch the pond and the rest of the garden, and see what’s going on. I think the catalyst was getting a teeny tiny bit of wildflower turf to make a soft edge for part of the pond – it makes it feel more accessible somehow. I’m half tempted to sit on it and pop my feet in the water for the tadpoles to bite.

We have been lovingly tending the turf – it needs regular watering so that it can root itself properly, but to my untutored eye it seems to be doing very well.

In fact everything is in full growth at the moment – it’s funny how a garden goes from a bit bare to under control to aaargh in the space of what feels like five minutes…

But the garden is abuzz with honeybees and lots of common carder bumblebees – these are about the last of the bumblebees to fly, and are little ginger critters (though at this time of year a lot of them may look a lot paler and more worn). Interestingly, the honeybees are on the hemp agrimony, while the bumblebees prefer the great willow herb.

Blurred common carder bumblebee on great willowherb! You’re welcome!

I used the Merlin app (highly recommended) to see what birds were about – in the space of five minutes I got blue, great and coal tits, magpies, woodpigeons, collared doves and, joy of joys, a goldcrest – I could hear it, but I didn’t see it this time. How lovely to know that they’re about, though!

And a little flock of starlings were watching from next door’s TV aerial – they always seem very restless to me at this time of year.

And, when I left the bench to take some bee photographs, they took advantage and came down to feed – it’s almost as if they either didn’t know I was there, or knew that I meant them no harm. It’s interesting to see the way that this year’s youngsters are at different stages of adult plumage….

And so I have made a promise to myself, to sit on the bench for ten minutes every day, no matter how tired or busy or stressed I am (in fact, especially on those days). There’s always something going on, and it is so calming to just watch plants and insects and birds do their thing.

I know lots of poems that attempt to bring consolation after someone has died, but few capture the rage. This one works for me! See what you think.

Dirge Without Music

By Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,—
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

Alexandra Palace

Dear Readers, it’s been lovely to see the gradual resurrection of Alexandra Palace, from a state of near-dereliction following a fire in 1980, to a place with a theatre, exhibition space, ice rink and all sorts of other exciting things, including some studio space where I was visiting a friend.

As you probably know, Alexandra Palace was the original home of the BBC, with the first broadcast happening in 1936. In fact, the television mast is still used today.

Television mast!

During the First World War, the building was used first as a refugee camp for displaced Germans, and then as an internment camp for German and Austrian civilians.

Of course, one reason for stomping all the way up here is the unparalleled view of London, even through the heat haze.

Canary Wharf

South London (and Crystal Palace mast in the background)

The Shard

The Post Office Tower

Inside, it’s very, well, glassy. And a bit hot.

Well, after a coffee with my pal it was time to walk uphill back to Muswell Hill to catch a bus home. This involves a walk along Duke’s Avenue, which has some of the loveliest Edwardian buildings that you can imagine. There are so many details – round windows and plasterwork, as in this pair of beauties below….

Ironwork, woodwork, original encaustic tiles on the pathway, fine porches and doors…

Turrets….

…and stained glass windows…

and yet more plasterwork…

…and before I knew it I was back at Muswell Hill roundabout, and was lucky enough to board a 234 bus before I even had time to register how warm it was.

Incidentally, if you’re in Muswell Hill I am much taken by Roni’s Bagel Bakery – and I saw people carrying away sackfuls of Bagels on Sunday to keep them going through the week, so they must be doing something right!

Dear Readers, in an attempt to keep up my fitness after all that walking in Austria, I have been meandering around East Finchley and Muswell Hill, supposedly at a brisk pace. Alas, I keep getting distracted by various plants, and even find myself having conversations with them, which means I get a wide birth from other pedestrians.

In the photo above is the site of the old petrol station on East Finchley High Road. It’s been abandoned for years, and I am intrigued by the community of plants that is cropping up, even though the area is mainly concrete and I’m sure it’s probably contaminated. There has been buddleia here for ages, but this time I noticed a positive sea of red valerian, bristly ox-tongue and a number of small trees, including sycamore and birch.

I love it when nature starts to take over. I do wonder when someone will start to build here though – I’m not sure how long it’s been since the site was left empty, but probably getting on for ten years. Surely, with all the need for housing, something could be done? I hate to see a habitat destroyed, but better here than allotments or ancient woodland, or even a more established brownfield site.

Onwards!

Fast forward to Muswell Hill, which has some truly spectacular views towards East London – you can just about make out the Arcelor Mittal tower (otherwise known as the scary red helter-skelter) in the distance (to the left of the big tower in the middle of the photo)

And then I’m off to say hello to my favourite Smokebush, just off Fortis Green Road – what a magnificent plant this is, so fluffy and floriferous (try saying that after a gin and tonic)

We pass through a little alleyway where the bulging wall is festooned with clematis…

…admire the statue of the man with crutches in a front garden – I can find out nothing about this, so do chip in!

And then it’s off to Durham Road to admire the fuchsias. Last week I stopped to have a look at them, and to listen to the many, many bees who are gathering the nectar and pollen, when the owner of the house came past.

“Do you know the secret to growing these fuchsias?” he asked.

“No! Do tell”, I said.

“Complete neglect”, he said. “We don’t feed them. We don’t water them. And every year they get bigger and bigger”.

So there you go, fellow gardeners. Sometimes you just have to let well enough alone.

And as we got to the bottom of Huntingdon Road, I was delighted to see the Crape Myrtles in flower. There aren’t a lot of blooms, but these are very young trees, so I’m just delighted to see anything.

And how about this? These pods seem to indicate that this is a Judas tree, and very excited I shall be if it is.

And finally, here’s yet another fuchsia doing very well. I don’t have any fuchsias myself (though I am toying with the idea of trying out a Hawkshead one in the back garden), so I will be interested to know if any of you lovely gardeners are having an exceptional fuchsia year. Let me know!

First Barnwood Waterlily

Dear Readers, I’ve written about Barnwood before – it’s a tiny, tiny community orchard/garden just off East Finchley High Road, which punches way above its two-thirds of an acre size in terms of what it provides, both in terms of biodiversity and as a resource for the local community. I popped in today to say hello to my pal Leo, and to meet some of the Earthwatch team and volunteers who were holding an event there, especially the lovely Divya. And while I was there, I took a few photos to give you a taste of the place. Leo says that it’s probably the earliest he’s ever seen some of the plants fruit: the sloes are already bending the branches of the blackthorn.

The rowan is full of berries…

And there are blackberries everywhere.

It’s been a good year for field bindweed, the smaller, daintier species with the candy-striped flowers…

The teasel has already gone over, but hopefully the goldfinches will soon discover the seeds…

And the hawthorn is heavily-laden too.

Speckled Wood butterflies flitter about…

and I’m not one hundred percent sure who made this web, which completely encloses some nice ripe blackberries. Shame baby spiders don’t eat fruit! My guess would be that the web is from a nursery web spider, but I shall make enquiry.

And there’s a lot of this plant about at the moment, too: bristly oxtongue is definitely having a good time.

Although this is such a tiny space, the pathways take you into all sorts of hidden retreats and provide surprises around every corner.

I love Barnwood. It’s a tiny miracle, tucked away and yet beloved by those who live close by – many local residents have no garden, and this is a rare quiet haven. You can read more about Barnwood here.

Well, Readers, after an intense, challenging and fascinating day on my Living Well, Dying Well Foundation course this week, it felt important to get outside, walk and generally get back to whatever passes for normal these days. My morning pilates session made all the tensions and knots of the past few days very apparent – I don’t think I’d realised how hard, and yet how important, it was to re-visit those months, and weeks, and days, when Mum and Dad were dying. With the benefit of a bit of time, quite a few things have fallen into place, and it was the most extraordinary experience to be with a group of other people who were so open about their own time with those who were at the end of life, and to start contemplating my own demise. For one exercise, we started to think about what we would want for our own end of days, and what a gift it was to sit with one other person and to have the time and space, and structure, to think and talk about what was crucially important to us, what would matter finally.

One of the trainers referred to this Foundation course as a ‘citizenship course’ and she’s right – nobody teaches us about what happens at death, what our choices are, how to help to support someone and how many of the experiences that may perturb us are both common and important. Death is so medicalised and hidden away in Western culture, no wonder we’re so terrified of it. But having sat at a number of deathbeds, I can honestly say that an ‘ordinary’ expected death is nothing to be afraid of.

I’m sure I’ll have more to talk about as I process the last few days, but in the meantime I took a walk in Regent’s Park, and was delighted to see that the flowerbeds are an interesting combination of plants that are pollinator-friendly, and plants that are more typical bedding. The Royal Parks have a responsibility to look splendid for the many, many people who visit them, but they also seem to be trying to do their ‘bit’ for sustainability.

In the photo above, we have cosmos and verbena alongside what looks like a magenta petunia.

Sadly the cardoons have gone over, but these splendidly architectural plants are an absolute bee-magnet.

Here, we have what I think is Knautia, a great pollinator plant, with New Guinea Bizzy-Lizzies. Again, something for the bees, something that lasts and flowers for ages.

And some lovely Rudbeckia with a bright orange plant that looks as if it could be in the bindweed family.

But what is this?

It looks as if the poor old lion fountain has become unsafe, and nature is reclaiming it at a rate of knots, largely in the form of Canadian fleabane (Conyza canadensis). I imagine this will all be sorted out soon, but it was a bit of a shock to see something so unruly in the middle of the carefully manicured gardens. Nature will have its way, and sometimes it will do so in a surprisingly short time.

And just in case we wanted more evidence of nature taking advantage of every opportunity, what do we have here?

A thirsty crow is taking advantage of some running water, and on a hot day like today, who can blame them?

Furthermore, the crow seems to have food, which it’s dunking in the water to make it more palatable. What clever birds they are!

And then it was home, to put my feet up after 10,000 steps, and to get ready for a relatively peaceful weekend. Wishing the same for all of you.

Dear Readers, by the time you read this I will have been on the first part of the  Living Well, Dying Well Foundation course – I consider myself very lucky to have been advised, mentored and supported by the people at the care home where Mum and Dad passed away, and I’ve had a strong feeling that I’d like to be able to do something similar for others who are dying, or whose loved ones are dying.

I always thought that, as a society,  we don’t talk enough about death – Mum was always up for a conversation about it, which was so useful when we came to her last days and had to decide what kind of care she would like, and what she wanted for her funeral. Dad was more of a ‘put your fingers in your ears and go la-la-la’ kind of person, and so when he was dying I had to decide what he would have wanted – clearly not an ideal situation, but somehow we muddled through, even though it was at the beginning of the Covid pandemic.

What my parents had done right was a) to have Powers of Attorney and wills in place, b) to have let me have access to all their financial details, so that I didn’t have to worry about where their bank accounts/insurance policies/savings accounts were, and c) to give me the phone numbers and email addresses for all their close friends and family. Such little things in one  way, but so important in others. I’m very aware that I’m not yet in the same situation – I do have a will, but the POAs that I’ve been trying to draft for my husband and I are somehow stalled at the solicitor (long story) so I need to summon up the energy to chase them up and finalise them.

But what seems so important  about the whole dying process is to know, in advance, what the  person involved values, what they need in order to allow them to pass peacefully, what their priorities are. I know that I would love some contact with nature, even if it’s just birdsong through a window, or the sight of a tree waving in the breeze. But for everyone it will be different, and I think our imagination sometimes fails when we’re under extreme  stress. How much better it is to think about it, and to talk about it, before things become a crisis, while we’re calm and the end of our days seems a long way away.

Anyhow, I am hoping that after 5 days of training, I will be in a better position to think about dying, and to know if I want to go to formally become what’s called a Death Doula – someone who helps others during the dying process, whether with emotional support, advocacy, or practical things. And although I won’t be able to write about the experiences of others on the course (because naturally these things are confidential), I will keep you posted about my thoughts once the course is over and I’ve processed what I’ve experienced. It will be an interesting and challenging few days, for sure.

Photo by Eugene Beckes https://www.flickr.com/photos/61210501@N04/6012925289/

Wedding Poem

By Ross Gay
for Keith and Jen

Friends I am here to modestly report
seeing in an orchard
in my town
a goldfinch kissing
a sunflower
again and again
dangling upside down
by its tiny claws
steadying itself by snapping open
like an old-timey fan
its wings
again and again,
until, swooning, it tumbled off
and swooped back to the very same perch,
where the sunflower curled its giant
swirling of seeds
around the bird and leaned back
to admire the soft wind
nudging the bird’s plumage,
and friends I could see
the points on the flower’s stately crown
soften and curl inward
as it almost indiscernibly lifted
the food of its body
to the bird’s nuzzling mouth
whose fervor
I could hear from
oh 20 or 30 feet away
and see from the tiny hulls
that sailed from their
good racket,
which good racket, I have to say
was making me blush,
and rock up on my tippy-toes,
and just barely purse my lips
with what I realize now
was being, simply, glad,
which such love,
if we let it,
makes us feel.